diligence

I am trying to make my wife proud of me.  Not that I believe she knows what I do or do not do.   It's more of a testament or the performance of an obligation or a memorial.   Something like giri.

Out of my need for distraction, preferably simple physical labor, is born, I hope, diligence.

My wife was a worker in a different class from most of us.   When she was in her mid-teens, she was holding down 1-2 jobs in addition to going to school and getting good grades.     From that time until she was in her late 30s, she was never without at least one job for more a day.  

While in college and in labor before the birth of one of her children, she is said to have called for her books so she could prepare for a test that was coming up.  I believe it.   Over ten years ago when she was hospitalized over a vomiting spell she asked me to bring her computer and papers to her room so she could get some work done.

Her work normally required several all-nighters a month, and sometimes two or more weeks of working on 2-3 hours sleep a night.   And that did not include her investment plans and property management, which took up more of her time.   This year was especially severe.   She basically worked herself to death.  I urged her to get up and walk a few blocks several times a day.   She felt there was no time.

I told her recently that she and her health were most important and that she needed to look out for No. 1.   She looked at me like I was some alien form of life and snorted.     

Taking it easy has never been a problem with me.  I am unable to work through the night, and will quit by 1 a.m. even when the work must be done.  I can work up quite a sweat, sometimes, but that's about it. 

In this time of crisis, surrounded by evidence and artifacts of my wife's labors and plans, I am trying to change, a little.  To make her proud of me.